Yesterday was a challenge. I had news that someone I love was having a medical emergency and being so far away really freaked me out. I think one of the effects of the medical trauma I experienced with my dad and brother is that the only way I know I can manage, is if I’m right there. I was always on the scene and somehow it made me feel like I had a bit more control even though I didn’t

Being in France doesn’t allow for that so I really had to work hard not to lose my shit. Sophie would tell you I was not completely successful. At one point I did yell at her like a “psychopath” for barking but we have made our amends. The way I managed my anxiety was to flood the WhatsApp chats of everyone I knew, and cook.

I decided not only to make chicken curry but to practice my naan as well. I found a recipe that didn’t call for yogurt and instead used yeast. So, with Pinterest on my phone, and my apron on, I began to work at this meal prep. I was shaky and sweaty from anxiety so I had the back door wide open while the rain poured down.

The dough turned out pretty good, except I forgot the salt which hurt the flavor. I was amazed at how good it looked, puffed up on the skillet with bubbles and the desired char marks. It looked slightly better than it tasted but it did work to sop up the yummy curry sauce.

The curry turned out well in the end. At one point after grating the ginger and garlic I almost gave up. The recipe said to add the two to a skillet with vegetable oil on “high heat”. No sooner did I drop them in the pan, then they browned and burned. I guess the oil was too hot on my conduction stove because the ginger and garlic immediately blackened. I knew from experience that this would make the sauce bitter, so I rolled up my sleeves and restarted grating both anew. This time, the sauce came together as it should and was delicious.

My kitchen looked like a tornado had rolled through it but I was exhausted and for a couple of hours, my mind had been occupied.

The news today has been better. My dear friend is getting the care she needs and is no longer in pain. I am not there but I am learning to manage from afar. The phone keeps ringing and I keep connected in every way I know how.