Yesterday felt challenging and I complained to my husband like a little asshole. I hadn’t slept well, my work schedule was ambiguous, my bike ride was harder than fun and ……Waaaaa, waaaaa, waaaaa. Matthew was understandably a little exasperated. Here I am across the planet pursuing happiness and adventure independently and all I did was moan. He asked me why I was punishing myself with miserable bike rides, and why I wasn’t giving myself a break. He said, “Maybe you should take a few hours off and have some joy.”

At first that made me more sullen, but after I played in my garden for a bit, I realized he was exactly right. Why do I keep myself on such a stringent schedule? Can’t I just appreciate the landscape when bike riding and not focus on my mileage and my fitness level? So much of my time is wasted in my quest to have value, stay busy, and somehow make myself more legitimate.

Therapy has taught me this comes from not having an innate sense of self worth. Ho Hum. I’m glad Matthew gave me a reminder. I am so blessed to have this opportunity and I must try not to waste it whining about the difficulties. I mowed my little lawn, picked fresh flowers for the house, played frisbee with Sophie and made arrangements to see my friends for dinner.

Life is simply too short not to feel gratitude. I know the word, “bx%&ch” is offensive to some people but I really must stop acting like a little “bx%&ch”. Life’s hard and amazing and I want to get as much out of it as I can. I will try to work out less, eat more bread and just roll with the punches. I am grateful for my husband’s reminder to seek “JOY” and just get on with it.