I am not sad that this month is over. August feels like a very long Sunday. You know that it is still vacation time and you should be savoring the experience but you feel autumn breathing down your neck and that colors the experience. Before you Pumpkin Spicers, get on my case for dreading autumn, let me remind you I live in Maine. No matter how pretty the trees look, the season that follows is cold, gray, and 5 months long.

I thought August only felt bad to educators and students who knew that it was the last hurrah of summer. I now don’t think that is true. I am not returning to a district this year and the school calendar means very little to me yet I still find August menacing. The ticking of a clock. The lengthening shadows. The cicadas buzzing in the grass. The subtle changes in light.

I remember as a kid I would see those JC Penney back-to -school commercials come out at the start of August and it would literally make me shudder. First of all, what kids are that excited to be climbing on the bus and heading back to school? I would try to get excited about shopping for new clothes and shoes but It still felt hideous. My father’s enthusiasm for the start of a new academic year especially provoked me.

In fairness to this month, the weather has been lovely and flowers are still blooming. I had more beach days this month than in any other. Why am I so bothered? Even in writing positive things about the weather I am reminded that I have complained more about the humidity in the last few weeks than during our unusually hot July. What makes me so uncomfortable about August? The answer is surprisingly simple.

I am a person who has always looked forward to the next thing. I struggle to be in the moment and appreciate where I am and who I’m with. August in its very placement in the calendar cues me to look forward to what is to come. Historically, that has been a return to a career or educational experience that I did not fully appreciate. Now though, in reality it is precursor to a life change I’ve dreamt about.

Perhaps this year, I will learn to live in the moment and savor the now. That is my goal. Each day should have its own gratitude. Even the days in August.