I always think of how you told me you were turning 26 on the 26th perpetually. I also think about going to the West Auburn Cemetery searching for arbutus in the wet moss and grass on a cold spring day close to this date.

I miss you more than I can explain. I have a feeling you know as you lost your own dear mom so young when you were just beginning your experience as a mother yourself. I am living very differently these days after losing you. I try really hard to do what my heart wants/needs whenever I can because I feel that was often not available to you in your own life.

You put everyone first. Dad required it and we kids grew to expect it. You never really allowed yourself to just be good to you. You struggled to see the value of you for just existing. It makes me so sad you couldn’t see what the rest of us knew. You were funny, smart, beautiful, talented and knew how to love in a very special way. I feel so fortunate to be able to have been loved by you. I am so grateful my kids felt it too.

I will always try to honor you. I will take lengthy walks to search for wild flowers. I will make homemade meals to celebrate my family and the holidays. I will give to others even when it is hard. I will always search for blue sea glass. I will fill my house with flowers. I will use your blue and white chipped dishes. I will always remember.

Happy Birthday. I love you.

Sarah