I have taken the last few weeks to just be. I had a lot to do. I am flying to Maine for the summer to work and see my family.

Matthew and my friend Jenn came to visit which meant playing tour guide, and chef. It all happened so fast as their visits overlapped. Having them in my home left me happy but exhausted and eager to be the guest somewhere soon.

I wanted to prepare the garden for my departure and indeed did so, in my most obsessive manner. Weeding, planting, building a pea fence, dead heading and watering happened nearly every day. I filled pots with annuals and herbs, and enjoyed every second of blue bells, wisteria, rhododendron and ranunculus. I entertained my friends in the garden and shared wine and appetizers many nights.

Sophie and I walked miles and miles and miles trying to savor every last second of Spring in our new home. Sophie has mastered walking off leash in St. Denis and I think it will be a rude awakening for her to return to her leashed walks in Brunswick. She is so eager to run along the pathways that surround my village. Now, not even encountering another dog or a runner causes her to leave my side which is a huge accomplishment.

I am ready to be with my husband and kids. Some nights during these last few weeks I have been consumed by loneliness. Other days I have savored my independence and blissful lifestyle with minimal demands.

I have. busted my ass getting the house ready for Airbnb rental. Depersonalizing, painting, cleaning and making it what I would want as a guest took time. It was lovely to see the finished product but it made me sad to leave.

I am feeling all the feels right now. I’m excited to see my husband, kids and friends. I’m exhausted and daunted by the process of traveling with Sophie and all my shit. I am sad to leave a place that has become a real home to me right when the weather has turned amazing. I have made friends that I will miss these next few months. I will miss the bread and the wine. I will miss my beautiful garden and home. For a girl who always hated change, I’m sure doing a lot of it.

So now Sophie and will do one more lap around the terminal and then miraculously, after a plane ride I will see my family in our home. Au Revoir from France.