It has been two years since I’ve seen, touched or heard my mom. It is hard to believe that it has only been two years with all the ways I’ve missed her. She was my ride or die and I will probably never know a more loyal or fierce protector.

I miss her wit, her kindness, her spaghetti sauce, her flower arrangements, and even her guilt ….a little bit. Admittedly, it is weird to no longer have parents. Dad has been gone for 11 years. Both left us in the month of August. I know all that love though hasn’t disappeared. I still feel it and know they are with me but there are times I confess, I would give anything for one more phone call.

I’d love for my mom to be able to hear the excitement in my voice when I describe my new home and the garden that surrounds it. I would love for her to see James entering his third year of college and marvel at what a really kind, amazing man he has become. I would like her to see Parker and wonder at his sudden maturity, good looks, and near-identical-to-his-father presentation. I also would like to have her support as Lily and I get ready to separate which is something she had experience with.

There are signs that she is near. Monarch butterflies seem to follow me for great distances on my walks with Sophie. It is their persistence that makes me think they carry her spirit. I see bunnies or bunny images often when I think of her. On the way to see my house in France for the first time, from my car, I saw a rabbit barreling across a field to come to stop at the road’s edge when my car passed by. I imagine she is trying to tell me that she sees all of it. I hope she is proud. I hope she will continue to hover over my shoulder as I start this next great adventure.