adjective

-tending to keep a firm hold of something, clinging or adhering closely;

-not readily relinquishing a position, principle, or course of action, determined.

Being a tenacious is a quality that I have always had. I have held on to good and bad things longer than most people would be inclined to do. I find this attribute especially necessary in this time of my life. Moving and changing one’s life course this significantly requires tenacity. Nothing seems to come easily. With every detail, process, and bureaucratic step there are barriers which can be daunting. In the past when I’ve encountered a particularly frustrating challenge, I have been apt to set it aside temporarily. “Let it rest”, so to speak. I regroup and return to it but it has always been my inclination to see problems as a source of fear. I like to back away or take a break before tackling them head on. From my early days doing Algebra, to my adult forays into completing my taxes it has been my pattern to set something aside until I screw up the courage to return to it. Let me be clear. I always return to it but I like a little leeway.

The real estate process, the application for health insurance, visas, bank accounts, setting up utilities, obtaining a pet passport, learning French – all of this has tempted me to want to take a break or set it aside. Given its inherent difficulty, it is no wonder. Here’s the kicker. I can’t. The time constraints of my move, dropping Lily at college, and having the responsibility of property ownership thousands of miles away, all disallow a delay. It is also the knowledge that I’m singly driving this operation forward and if I don’t do something, it won’t get done. So I am growing. I am uncomfortably pushing forward and using the tenacity I’ve always had to pursue this dream. There is no time for rest or pausing. No one else is going to figure this out for me.

While this realization has been hard to swallow, I am also liberated by my knowledge that I am completely responsible for my success or failure with this. It will be my choices and actions that dictate the quality of this next phase of life. Sure, I’ve got friends and family that impact me and will continue to, but, I’m really sticking my neck out and it is kind of exciting.

A few years ago, after enjoying some take out from a local Chinese restaurant with my family, we all took turns opening our fortune cookies. Usually, I’m disappointed to get a lame, generic, message or empty cookie. This time was different. When I opened my cookie, I found this fortune and I have saved it ever since. First, I taped it to the window sill over the sink in my previous home and more recently to our coffee maker when we moved.

This might be my life mantra. It is not a bad one.