Perhaps it was the fog, or perhaps it was inevitable. It feels like winter is moving in to the house and I find myself lingering in hot showers and building fires with increased regularity and enthusiasm. Jackets are a necessity and I’m glad Sophie has a long coat of fur right now.

This week my schedule has slid forward so I can make up the missed day of school on Veteran’s Day. It is just as well that I am working Tuesday through Friday as I am on the final countdown to Matthew’s visit. Six weeks is still too long. I somehow forget each time we are together how blessed I am to have him so close at hand. I take it for granted that he is an arm’s reach away and I can hold his hand or hug him whenever I want.

I am thrilled at the idea that I can soon share my joy of this place with him. Truly, seeing Lily love it as much as I do, really confirmed my confidence about loving life here. She saw the connections I had made with great people, the pride I took in presenting my house to others, the joy I took in cooking, and the rituals of my daily life here. She really seemed to get it and for that I am truly grateful. I am hoping Matthew will also continue to deepen his understanding of what make this place so valuable to me.

Yesterday on my walk I was thinking about my adolescence. It was heavily affected by my father’s failing health and my brother’s car accident. I feel like I was pushed to grow up quickly and didn’t get to have many of the freedoms of teenage exploration that many have. It occurred to me that I am getting that experience now. I am building a life that suits me, I’m trying out things that might not make sense, and I’m giddy with the excitement of it all. As much as I hate that I am away from my husband and family, it might be that this is necessary for me to grow like this in my next chapter. Growing requires changes that can feel really uncomfortable. I am trying to sit with that and not shy away from it.